Mangoes

All my life in community and throughout my years of service, I've been well aware of my failings as a daughter. I could be much kinder, much more patient, much less selfish. Over the past few years, by the grace of God, I've become that little bit more patient, kinder, less insecure, more compassionate, in general; but that hasn't always translated at home with my parents, especially with my mom.

It's something that's always plagued me - that I 'couldn't' be better. In our lives, before we are anything else - before we are leaders, before we are friends, before we are students, before we are employees, spouses, parents - we are the children of our parents and sibling to our brothers and sisters, first and foremost. That's why I couldn't comfortably stand in front of people and accept when they called me a good leader or someone to look up to in the community. I always had that one key failing.

Now that this has come along - a true, concrete way to be a good daughter (in the traditional sense) and sister in my family, is this a sign from God that this is what I need to commit to for the next 2 years? Fully. Completely. We're (my family) all in this together?

But a part of me wonders if this isn't just me 'escaping' from having to discern. Is it just me looking for shortcuts - trying to come to a conclusion as soon as possible again? Might this just be the evil one at work? Financial support is not the only needs of a family. Where can I love my family more in the way that is needed for all of us to experience the fullness of life?

I need to ponder more. I need to pray more. I need to know Him more.

Lord, You are my shepherd. I know You call out to me always and You would never allow me to be led astray. Please grant me the wisdom to hear Your voice amidst the noise and the courage to follow You. I want to know You more through prayer. Please bless my prayer time and give me the patience to wait for You to reveal Your plan in Your perfect time.

Give me a heart like Mary's that keeps me moving with your Son, Jesus Christ, despite not understanding. I am experiencing fear and uncertainty, and I know I will continue to do so, but please help me to never be incapacitated by such oppression. Instead of being fixated on these lame attempts of the evil one to stop me in my tracks, give me the faith to continue moving towards You - for all these, too, shall pass and the day will come when Your glory will shine forth.

St Joseph, please pray for us.

Mother Mary, Queen of families, pray for us.