The other day, this was the topic of our household. Blessed Mother Teresa's quote "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." I've seen this many times before but I never felt like I understood it.
On the most simplistic level, with me taking it at face value, it might mean that there is a certain limit to hurt - once we hit that limit, we may experience more hurt but it wouldn't feel like more hurt; but with love, the capacity is limitless - there can always be more love - both for us to give and for others to receive. And when love and hurt hit the same level, eventually love will and always overtake the hurt.
The reality is love is inseparable from hurt. There can be no love without hurt. For if you don't experience hurt while loving, if everything is fine and dandy while loving and without any challenges - can you firmly proclaim that it's love? Luke 6:32 says "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them."
Love is loving even when it is difficult, loving even when faced with rejection again and again and again and perhaps for a very long time. Love is loving even when you feel like it is all for naught. Love is acknowledging that there are things you want but putting them aside because they may not be the best thing for the other. Love is when you feel unappreciated by the very people you serve but continue to serve them with love anyway. Love is being there for a person even when you're lazy. Love is action done for the good of the other.
Looking back on the past week, I'm thankful that the Lord is slowly, but surely, steadily teaching me to let go and let His will take over by giving me several realisations.
First, that nothing on this Earth belongs to me. While I was discerning about going to Liveloud, one of the things that kept popping into my head was - "oh, I have to take leave from work" and "so much money just to fly back for this one night" /cue groans/ I kept thinking of what I had to sacrifice, what I had to give away, what I had to lose in order to attend Liveloud.
But the truth is hindi naman talaga satin 'to eh, walang wala tayo (none of this is ours, we have nothing). And yet the Lord is so gracious that He allowed us to have freedom over the blessings He gave us like our jobs, money, time, our life etc. I wasn't giving away anything, it's not even mine to give away. But instead, I am only returning them to the Lord.
Second, like what I explained at the beginning, love and hurt is inseparable. I was afraid of rejection. I was afraid of failure. I was afraid of hurting. And that paralysed me. I was moved in my heart by God, but apparently not enough to overcome the fear of hurt. I couldn't say that I loved Him even though I knew how much He loved me because I didn't want to hurt.
Jesus Christ knew how painful his death would be; he knew about all the ridicule and rejection he would face. Those sufferings were for certain! And still, He chose to obey His father out of love; he chose to die for sinful Man, out of His love for us. For me, there was a hint - a possibility - of suffering to come and because of that, I didn't want to follow. I didn't move closer to Him and many times, I turned away.
But now that I've embraced the reality that if I am to love, which is our greatest calling as Christians, there is no way for me to avoid hurt completely. There is no step I can take in any direction that will shield me completely from hurt. I'm letting go of my self-preservation tendencies, letting of the need to 'protect' myself and keep myself 'safe' and focussing on me only. For what use would that be if I am depriving myself of the love that God wants to so readily pour on me?
Last, which is sort of in the same vein as the first, God is the source of all blessings and goodness. Success is not man-made. There is no point in being envious of my brothers and sisters. This self-preservation and pride that focuses on the need to be on the same level/ahead has to stop! The blessings that they have received were given to them by God. It is not about something I could have or should have done differently in order to have the same outcome.
The blessings He lavishes on us are not to be measured against worldly standards, be it who you know, who you talk to, who you're friends with on Facebook, who likes your Instagram posts or whatever. We have no reason to do that when Jesus already paid the ultimate price by dying for us so that we may have eternal life with him in Heaven (not the world).
God blesses us all equally, but uniquely; only He knows how everything will fall into place. St Augustine said, "God loves each one of us as if there was only one of us to love." He is continually blessing me in the way that I am to be blessed according to His plan, which may be different from others, but done with just as much love.
